We roped until past dark last night, and it was very eventful, what with assorted horses throwing fits and kids running around and all.
But what was really interesting was sitting around at the barn after we put the horses up, drinking beer and telling stories.
Now, I’ve heard some of these stories before, but they’re good enough to hear again. As I was sitting there, I kept thinking that I might not be the only one to get a kick out of them. I’m going to have to ply the main players with beer and set up a tape recorder so I can capture their language, which is half of the flavor.
For a little background, these friends of mine pretty much all grew up together in our small town. Roughly 20 years ago, they used to go hunting practically every weekend. Most of them ran dogs, and hunted varmint and bear at night.
Here’s a little player introduction, to keep them all straight:
Dennis: He’s one of my closest friends and hunting partners. He doesn’t have hounds any more, but used to, and used to work as a paid hunting guide. He’s currently learning to rope with us, and tells the best stories.
JR: An ex-marine, JR’s a respectable construction foreman now. He used to run as wild as the rest of them. He actually owns the place we keep the horses at.
Randy: Randy’s the only one of the bunch that still runs dogs. He’s got a septic tank service, and hunts varmints almost every night, and bear in season. Randy’s a kick; a typical slow-talking good ol’ boy, but as kind as you could ask for. He’s got three kids, one grown and hunting with us now and two little ones.
Big Owen: Now, Big O’s the subject of most of these damn stories. Strong Body; Weak Mind could be his life’s motto. I haven’t actually met Big O, since he’s currently a guest of the 0klahoma State Penitentiary system. Big O was somewhat less than literate, strong as an ox, and had an odd sense of humor.
Charles: Charles is Big O’s brother, and was almost as wild. He’s settled down with a daughter and a wife, but still has a crazy streak. I don’t actually know him very well.
Anyway, sitting around last night, the conversation turned to Big O stories. I’ve heard one often enough to relay it from memory.
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One night Randy, Dennis, and Big O were out hunting bear.
They didn’t happen to have a strike dog at the time, which is a dog that rides on the hood of the truck and can catch the scent of a bear.
So they had a lawn chair arrangement stuck out from the front bumper. The only lights on the truck were the downward-pointing fog lamps, and the truck was just crawling along one of the dirt roads up in the mountains.
Dennis was sitting out on the chair looking for bear tracks crossing the road. If they found a fresh set, then they’d stop and turn out the rest of the dogs and see if they had a chase.
It was cold and dark, and Dennis had been out there a few hours. Your mind starts to go a little numb at that point.
Apparently, Owen’s little wheels were a-turnin’. He very quietly (and that was a feat itself, since Owen was almost 300 pounds and usually crashed through the brush like a rhinoceros) opened the truck door, while it was moving, and snuck out of the truck. He tippy-toed his big ol’ self up the side of the hill to ahead to the truck.
When he got in front of the truck (remember, it’s dark), he leaped out into the center of the road with his arms waving in the air, and let out a huge “Groarhhh!!”
This scared the bejeezus out of Dennis. He levitated up out of that strike chair straight up onto the truck hood. Next thing he knew, he was spread-eagled on the windshield of the truck, clutching his heart with one hand. He knew Owen and Randy were in the truck, so had no idea what that monstrous thing was. And Owen looked pretty monstrous on a good day, but in the dark waving his arms out of nowhere and screaming, he looked like some sort of Sasquatch.
Randy and Owen were laughing so hard they pissed their pants. Dennis, not so much. But the rest of us do every time we hear it.
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