Well, that’s it then.

After a particularly bad week, I finally got a hold of Cowboy. I told him that I needed his input before I made a decision.

And I asked him if he really wanted some space, or if he was just avoiding me. I told him that if he honestly needed time to think about things, that I would do that. He said no, don’t wait around for him.

I asked him if when he said he wanted to slow things down, he really meant bring things to a full stop, and he said he guessed he did.

He said he can’t make a commitment and doesn’t want a long-term relationship.

I asked him what about when he said before that we were committed, and he said that he meant that then, but he can’t do it now.

I will never know why he changed his mind. Oh, I do know what his scars are from, but I will never understand why he turned away from love like that. He says he doesn’t want to hurt me and he got so choked up that he couldn’t talk anymore. I don’t have a doubt that he loves me still, but he is so very screwed up that there’s no fixing it right now.

So, goodbye Jerry. I loved you with all of my heart. I’m sorry that wasn’t enough.

The End.