I think being off the hook for most Christmassy things (and atheist and all, I still call it Christmas and think people are being stupid about it) has let me get away with a little too much Grinchiness. It is nice on the one hand that I don’t have to face a traditional holiday without half of my family, whose loss I still feel pretty sharply this time of year. But I think it lets me indulge my bad attitude a little too much.

I’m going to have to make a concerted effort to have fun on this cruise and not let my rotten mood affect everyone else. My sister called yesterday, and I’m afraid my pessimism spread to her. Sorry Bonnie, actually the kids and I will be fine with an extra boy at night. John is thrilled to get his cousin to himself for that long!

I haven’t spent this much time with my family since I was eighteen, so of course, there hasn’t been any fighting in that length of time either. I don’t expect any now, because we’re all adults and like each other very much, but I do have to remember to watch what I say in a manner that just doesn’t come up at a once-yearly four-hour visit.

And it’s the kids’ Christmas too, and their vacation as well. I’m going to have to concentrate on not being grouchy and letting them have their fun. Bonnie’s much better at that than I am — even with 50% more children, she’s a much more relaxed mom. I’m going to have to take my cues from her.

I joke about just staying drunk the whole time, but there’s a little truth to that. A little alcohol (not a ton!) will loosen me up, and the kids can’t get into any trouble anyway. Not on the ship at least; different rules will apply on shore excursions.

We do have a few of those pinned down too. Aunt Bonnie’s taking her kids and John on a jungle canopy tour. I’m sure it will be fascinating, but it would be sort of a waste for me to spend money to cling to the side of a tree in terror thirty feet in the sky, so I’m passing. I will however, take all four boys and my Dad on a fishing trip, because while she’s the adventurous, tolerant aunt, I’m the outdoorsy hunting/fishing aunt, and I’ve always wanted to share that with all of them. Finally, they’re old enough for a short excursion like that, and I’m really looking forward to it. No, I hadn’t yet mentioned to my Dad that all of the boys are coming, why do you ask? Happy Birthday Dad! Here’s a zoo!

So I guess I am getting excited about the trip. I am all packed and ready to go once I take care of the mail and newspaper later today. It’s just not feeling very Christmassy, and that’s OK. I did get away with hardly wrapping anything, I only went to one party, and we didn’t even put up the tree. I did send out cards, which I’ve meant to do for the last five years (wow, that’s some procrastination) but addressing them from my office in front of the computer isn’t quite the same as filling them out in front of the fire with music in the background.

It is very relaxing, being a slacker, but I do feel a little bad that the kids are missing out. True, they have all of that stuff at their other house, and they’re getting something really neat in return. I guess it wouldn’t be Christmas without a boatload of guilt coming from one direction or another, would it?