Stuck my foot in it
August 24th, 2008 by 
cowgirljules
Friday night, we decided to get out of Dodge for part of the weekend, so we packed the truck with the minimum and headed for the hills. It’s archery season right now, so Junior brought his bow and we pulled into the camp some of his friends were using.
We blew up the air mattress and laid out the sleeping bags in the back of the truck, right out under the stars. They were so bright up there that we could easily see the shadows of the trees above us by starlight. When the half-moon came up later, it was almost blinding. Every time I woke up, I could see the fuzzy stars, even more than I can see in the Valley when I’m wearing my glasses.
Junior wanted to show me a nice place to deer hunt, so we walked up to it before daylight. It’s a little noisy up there under the debris from the trees, so sneaking up on a deer isn’t really an option. We sat and watched for a few hours before making our way back down to the truck and into camp.
We did a little more touring around, a little sitting and shooting the breeze with his friends, some bow and BB gun practice, and a little frog-chasing with a seven-year-old boy. You’d think that I would have found more than enough peace to make up for all of the stress the house-buying has been laying on us lately, but you’d be wrong.
It all started to crash right back down on me as we were leaving, and I had me a bit of a meltdown. You know the kind of conversation; when everything vomits out at once, what you’re afraid of and what you want out of life. I’ve been feeling a little nervous about buying a house with a man I’m not married to, even though we’ve discussed marriage quite a bit. My head never had a doubt that this is the right decision to make, and the right man to be doing it with, but every now and then my history rears its ugly head and I get a little panicky when I shouldn’t.
I was feeling pretty insecure about living together without getting married, and that sparked a whole conversation that I suppose we needed, but I really wish I could have waited for.
See, it turns out that if I’d just managed to contain myself for another month or so, he was going to surprise me with a question and a ring. I really did not want to push him into something that he wasn’t ready for, but it turned out that he decided that I needed to hear that question right then and there, no ring, no special timing, no romance.
I said yes, of course, but then I felt very silly. I was still all emotional from what we were discussing earlier, and didn’t exactly give him the reaction that he should have gotten. He should have had arms thrown around him, and me tearing up with happy tears. We should have been standing on top of his mountain, not rolling in the truck where all we can really touch is our hands. I should have let him do it his way; it would have been a really neat story.
Yes, there are a ton of practical reasons why we should get married, but I didn’t want to get married for any of those. We can deal with taxes and health insurance and society’s perceptions. I want to marry this man because he is the best thing that ever happened to me. I love him more than I ever conceived of loving someone, and I want to spend the rest of my life as his wife, as old-fashioned as that sounds. I am incredibly lucky that he loves me through my own faults. I want to be a better person so he can have the wife he deserves.
But still, we’re getting married, and I get to keep this incredible man as long as we both shall live, and it brings the happy tears to my eyes every time I stop and really grasp the concept. Thank you baby; I love you.
Posted in Life | 23 Comments »
August 24th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
O, O, O, I am so happy for you.
My proposal for Karen? In my truck when I picked her up from work.
“I’m tired of you being my girlfriend>”
Blank look from Karen.
“I want you to be my wife.”
Explosion. Of the good kind.
August 24th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
JULES!!!
YAY!!!!
CONGRATS!!!!
August 24th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
Oh, also? I proposed to SM in our truck, after a particularly strange day. I had PLANNED on taking her out to dinner at the place we had our first date, and then taking her to the plane watching area of the airport where we had our first kiss, get down on one knee, the whole nine yards.
I however, didn’t push the issue when she wanted to run errands and then we got caught up in the day and the next thing I knew we were at home and it was getting close to midnight and I didn’t want the day to end without asking her.
She looked at me and said, “What’s wrong?” And I said, “I had the day all planned out and now it’s just not going to happen.”
She said, “What’s not going to happen?”
And I pulled out the ring and said, “All the romantic stuff that goes with this.”
Then I said, “You make me the happiest person on earth, and I never want to be without you… will you marry me?”
She looked at me for a moment and then said, “Are you serious??”
Never been happier.
August 24th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
Congratulations to the both of you. Y’all’s proposal sounds just like ours, very to the point, nothing romantic. In October it’ll be 10 years
August 24th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Congratulations to you both! Or should that be to all of you? I can’t wait to hear how the “happily ever after” part of your story goes.
August 24th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
That is so wonderful and I’m so happy for you. Don’t worry about speeding up the question because you were feeling a bit insecure. He could have still waited. He was probably nervous, holding it all in. You just helped him get it off his chest.
August 24th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Congratulations, you two! Every story is a neat story. And yours is well deserved.
August 24th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
I am so happy for you and have been wondering how long it would take.
August 24th, 2008 at 11:51 pm
I’m so happy for both of you!
August 25th, 2008 at 4:45 am
Yay! Congratulations!!!!!!
August 25th, 2008 at 5:47 am
Congratulations! Very happy for you!
August 25th, 2008 at 6:28 am
I am so happy that you two have found each other and bring each other the joy and love that makes life special. Congratulations!
August 25th, 2008 at 6:50 am
Yay! Congratulations!!!
August 25th, 2008 at 7:31 am
Maybe it wasn’t the romantic thing he had planned– but it really was a testament to how well he understands you and how deeply he cares. He’d rather set your mind at ease and make sure you know where you both stand, than let you continue to feel stressed and nervous about things for another month. You two are a great match, and it sounds like you’re so good for each other– congratulations!
August 25th, 2008 at 10:09 am
WoW!! What wonderful news. Hip–Hip–Hooray. I am so happy for you and your darling. I just hope you’ll be as happy as me and H Man have been for the last 52 years. Ain’t love grand? Big huggs to you both.
August 25th, 2008 at 11:28 am
CONGRATULATIONS !!!!
August 25th, 2008 at 11:45 am
oh, Jules! Congratulations!!!!
August 25th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
Woohoo! Many congrats!
We have a similar story; The spouse had apparently bought a ring etc and had a proposal planned out for the 4th of July when I was going to visit him (he was working on the opposite coast for the summer). I ended up proposing on the phone about a month before. So I don’t have a great romantic story, but hey, it’s been 13 years so far, so I guess it worked pretty well!
So yeah, it’ll all be good.
August 25th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
I am thrilled for you Jules. You deserve this more than most people I know. Congratulations!!!
August 25th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
You know, in the long run, there’s nothing more romantic than making adjustments in your plans because your partner needs you. There’s nothing wrong with needing to share your fears, and there’s a hell of a lot wrong with keeping them in. I think in the end this will be a better start for a wonderful life.
August 26th, 2008 at 8:11 am
Let me add my congratulations to the chorus! I’m real happy for both of you.
August 26th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
’bout time somebody made an honest woman out of ya.
Good on both of ya!
August 28th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Oh my!! I’ve gone over all goose-bumpy!! Congratulations to you both!!
(and thanks for your comment)